Preparing for the Chaos of the Zombie Apocalypse

Preparing for the Chaos of the Zombie ApocalypseAs a mother I worry about my ability to protect my children.  This world is filled with enough real and present dangers that the added stress of an impending Zombie Apocalypse is enough to send me to raid the hunting section of the nearest Walmart before heading over to the local Costco to barricade the doors and hole up until it passes.

OK, so maybe that is a bit extreme, and insane without verifiable proof that such an event could actually happen.  As I said, there are enough real and present dangers to consider.  The way I figure it, if I’m prepared for the insanely unlikely (according to some) Zombie Apocalypse then surely I’ll be ready for anything else that could realistically come up.

I am no Chicken Little, but let’s face it, common sense is really a mixture of a healthy dose of paranoia,  suspicion, and a desire for self preservation.  As a mother I have added the protection of my young to my priority list in such a way that it ties with my self preservation.  Given no other option, yes, I would sacrifice myself for their survival.  However, since I don’t really trust anyone else to care for them, I’ve made it my mental habit to have an emergency back up plan in case of a zombie outbreak.

Any situation where natural, organic chaos exists is an opportunity to practice my motherly protective skills.  Recently, for example, I took my kids (2 and 7 years old) sans husband to Chuck E Cheese.  This is what I call Chaos Training.

For the kids this is a time for them to have fun.  For me this is an exercise in my ability to keep up with my kids who run in different directions among other screaming, running kids with random noises and lights flashing everywhere.  It reeks havoc with my mommy senses, but in the event of mass hysteria this noisy, fun place for kids is a perfect training tool for me.

There are several important things to remember in Chaos Training:

  • Keep track of your kids. Invest in those GPS wrist bands if you want, but there is no substitution for keeping a visual on your kids.  Even better, stay within grabbing distance.
  • Know where the exits are, or as stated in Zombieland rule #22: When in doubt, know your way out!  Why do you think they remind you of the exits on a plane or in a movie theater?
  • Watch other’s for suspicious behavior. In a chaotic situation this is a huge challenge when paired with keeping track of your kids.  Allow your children to play and have fun, but remember that kids are just as dangerous as adults if turned into a zombie.
  • Anything can become a weapon. Think creatively.  If you can lift it, you can swing it, or even throw it.  Remember that with zombies you must destroy the brain, but with any other threat simply maim and run with the kids.  The Police, or National Guard can handle the rest.

Thanks for reading.

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